You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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