is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's get the cat blown out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
