Screwed.edu
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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