Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
