duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Houston, we have a squirter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
