So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
