I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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