you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
