I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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