My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
