I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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