If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
