I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
