don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
