Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
