are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
