I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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