Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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