I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
