You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
