im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
