She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
