It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
