Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
