i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
