i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
