I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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