Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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