My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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