I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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