He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
