Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
