My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
