Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
