i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
