do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh god was she eating orange peels again
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
