That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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