oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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