Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
