Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
