I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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