Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
