Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
