I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
