I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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