You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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