what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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