why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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