When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
