I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
