So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
