I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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