And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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