if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize