Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My penis needs a shock collar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
