I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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