I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
