Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
