So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
