My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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