**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
