I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
