Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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