At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
