I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
